I so need to write right now. The past few months have been so overwhelming. Life is having more downs than ups lately. My anxiety (I don’t even know if that’s what it is any more) has been out of hand. Some days I’m fine, but most.. I’m just down. I wouldn’t say I’m depressed at all, I’m actually really happy. I just get stressed out too much. I try to handle things as best as I can (and I seem to be doing alright) but it’s so hard sometimes. I think I try so hard that it’s finally getting to me - I’m so tired. I feel like something is bothering me but the problem is I don’t know what. A lot has been going on this year but I feel as though there’s something else. I try and cry sometimes to release.. but nothing comes out. I just wish I knew the pinpoint of all this so I can finally stop it. Chris tells me it could be a little of everything, maybe he’s right.

I’m not the kind of person to hate life or give up. I keep pushing on, I just pray that God gives me more energy so I’m able to because sometimes I feel so exhausted. I’m not motivated any more, but I try. And that’s what matters, I suppose. Keep trying. Keep going.

My uncle passed away a couple days ago and even though I’m sad, I’m actually happy he’s gone. He deserved better places & a better life. With all this mourning around me, I’m starting to really miss my mom. I’m not going to say life isn’t fair - but I just wish it was easier sometimes. But then again, if it was.. it wouldn’t be worth accomplishing.

Chris and I are taking a little vacation this week visiting his family. I’m really looking forward to it. I really need to get away from this house, this city. I’m going to use this time to not only spend time with the people I care about but really take time for myself - to think, to reflect, to learn, to overcome. I do feel things will get better.

Yay! I finally finished it and I have to say it looks pretty badass on a wall. This is my very first painting I’ve done for someone else and it’s so exciting, especially the nice check I got for it. :D It was such a pain to hang up though (took about 3 hours). Thank God Chris was there — he was a huge help. :) My sister is pretty excited about it and I’ve already gotten a few requests from people who want one as well. My sister’s friend wants one EXACTLY like it, lol. So that should be interesting.. guess I’ll be busy for awhile. I love it though! This is what I’ve always wanted to do. It feels really nice that people would actually pay money for something I’ve made. :D I have a lot of ideas about small paintings and so I hope to get started on those soon. Oh, and I’ve uploaded a few other pictures of the painting, so be sure to check that out.

Tomorrow is Chris and my 8th anniversary and I couldn’t be any more excited. We’re going to stay at a casino tomorrow night. During the day we’re going to go play putt-putt and eat lunch at Olive Garden. There’s also a few museums we want to check out as well. Should be a great little vaca for us both. I’m soo excited. Eight years! Damn, I feel old.

Chris and I watched The Diving Bell and the Butterfly last night and I have to say, it was much more than I had expected. A very moving movie. The direction is profound, to say the least. It’s in first person throughout most of the movie so it gives you the sense of what Jean-Do is really going through. It’s probably the most inspiring and motivational film I’ve seen in awhile. It really makes you feel grateful for what you have and makes all the little grudges you hold inside seem inane. Jean-Do was an extraordinary man and this film reassured me that no matter what life throws at you, you’re capable of anything.

I’m looking forward to reading the book now.

The fourth was a blast. Spent the entire day/night over my aunts house along with 30 other family and friends. Was nice because I got to hang out with a few people I haven’t seen in a while. A bunch of us played badminton & my arm is totally sore from it now. We also played rock band…

OUTSIDE. We used a zoombox which projected it on a huge canvas outside of the house. Was so much fun! Chris and I totally owned it. Later on, I got to play the drums to “Welcome Home” by Coheed and Cambria. THAT was too cool. I rocked it too. :o)

I’m in the process of editing & uploading a few pictures to my Photo Album. Since I’ve gotten my Nikon, I haven’t put it down. I’m surprised how long the battery life is, I’ve only had to charge it twice since April. I got most of my family wanting one. :P I would love to take photography classes some day, I think I’d be pretty good if I could learn a few techniques & whatnot.

So, I originally planned to have the painting completed by now but I came down with a pretty bad cold & sinuses the other night and it’s slowing me down. I think I’ll be able to finish it by tomorrow. I can’t wait to hang it up in my sister’s new apartment — It’s going to look so badass on a wall.

I absolutely love the summer. We have this tree in our back yard that just started blooming. I sat underneath it for hours yesterday afternoon while my niece crawled around in the yard. She picked out all the small rocks around our pond and threw them in the grass. She also likes to pick the dirt out of the flower pots too. So cute but leaves a lot of work for me. :P

What’s more summer than watermelon? We got one the other day, I swear it must have been 20 lbs. I gave Alana a piece — what a mess! I had to hose down the carport before all the ants came.

I keep my niece about 40 hours a week so my week has consisted mostly of swimming, chasing her around outside, and cleaning up her mess. :P She has kept me busy now that she’s crawling around and being active. My anxiety has been getting really bad lately so it’s nice having her around so much, a nice little distraction. I have a doctor’s appointment Wednesday so I’m looking forward to that. Scared but happy to figure out what’s bothering me. It’s to the point where I have trouble sleeping and eating. But I’m hoping they can help me.

I’m really looking forward to tomorrow. Our family is big on Fourth of July. We’re having a pool party and a Rock Band competition. Not to mention all the food we’re grilling! And the outdoor movies and $1,000 worth of fireworks. It’s going to be huge. Can’t wait. :)

** Oh, almost forgot. I’m almost done with the painting. I expect to finish it this weekend since I have Saturday and Sunday off. I’m really liking the way it’s turning out and can’t wait to start on others (smaller of course!). Btw, Happy 4th!