I’m not much of a writer - always find it difficult to put my thoughts and feelings into words. I’m much more expressive in art. For weeks now, I’ve had this cool idea for a painting. I figured I’d put it in writing — try and give it life. I’m thinking of having a series of paintings that’ll tell a story, like concept art. It’s really cool in my head, will be kinda dark & somber. Who knows how the ending will turn out. :P The story below is the beginning of my story.. I realize it’s not too descriptive, but I don’t want to give away the entire story. Plus, the main character is kind of clueless to what is happening or where she/he is at so I’d like the reader/viewer to be so as well.

Dark & cold describes the place I’m in. My eyes wander aimlessly but fail to see. Black engulfs my shivering pale body. Fear rushes through my thirsty veins.

I feel something tugging on my leg. A chain. I stagger and collapse onto the frigid concrete. I crawl from side to side. Strength is failing me now. I lay there helpless. Face drenched in my tears.

I need shelter.
I need safety.

I hear a faint noise. Distant static approaches slowly morphing to horrid screams. I cover my ears but the clamor swims around in my head attacking my sanity. Somber shadows dance around me. Taunting me with their wicked grins.

Light save me.

In the distance I see you. Darken limbs thriving upward from the lush grass. My eyes blur, I squint to see another glance. Beauty. The sun glistens the canopy over your head. You’re gorgeous. My decrepit heart begins to swell.

I want you.
I need you.

(1:30 into the song)
As courage starts to grow they tug and pull me back into this endless hell. I fight but my strength is diminishing quickly from my limbs. The darkness slowly begins to consume me while they continue their torment. My eyes grow heavy. I curl into a helpless heap and try hard not to give in but these demented fiends make it hard to.

I can’t take this.
I want out.

Time is abandoning me.

I’ve been contemplating what career field I should go in for months now. I have my Associate’s degree and all my general college credits out of the way. I want to continue my schooling in hopes to get a BA or even a Masters someday. My problem is — I don’t know in what. It’s not that I don’t have any interests, it’s quite the opposite. I have so many interests but nothing seems to be the right career. I think my problem is that I lack real work experience. I’ve always been self employed. I have no experience ‘out there’ in the real world and I my social skills could use some improving. In hopes to relieve some of my stress, I created a list of possible career fields.

1. ART! Although I see this more as a part-time job.

2. Interior design. I wouldn’t know where to start with this one. I live in Mississippi and have yet to find a school that has classes for this. I wouldn’t even know where to start working at or internships. :|

3. Photography. This could work. I’m not talking about the kind @ Walmart either. Possibly weddings, engagement photos, portraits, etc. Classes shouldn’t be too hard to find either. The problem I see with this is I lack social skills. I’m friendly and outgoing and whatnot but not toward strangers, it takes me a while to warm up to new people. This is no bueno for this type of career. But then again, if I get a REAL job sometime soon, my social skills would start to improve.

4. Elementary teacher. I love kids & I’ve had plenty practice with them. (Four younger siblings and currently babysitting two one-year-olds.) I’d probably teach either science or social studies. I’ve tutored my younger brother in both these subjects and successfully improved his grades. That’s when I realized I wanted to teach. But then again, I lack social skills! I’m terrified in front of a group of people - even kids, I’m sure. My fiancee is currently going to school to be a High school English teacher and all the presentations and stuff he had to do scares me. I hate that my fears get in the way of my life. I could really see myself teaching too. Plus the benefits are nice: My husband and I will have similar work schedules, week ends off. Summers and holidays off as well. :)

I came across a site that showcased both the positive and negative aspects of being a teacher. One of the positives was:

“Kids.
It may seem obvious, but certainly, the most important and best aspect of being a teacher is getting to work with kids. Teachers love kids and kids love teachers. Elementary students even hug their teachers. Getting to share in the learning process with young, innocent minds is incredibly exciting. Kids are wild, unpredictable, sometimes incorrigible, but they are always beautiful beings who are just learning about the world. They will make you laugh, scream, gasp, think, grieve, cry, and love.”

It way seem silly but this made my eyes water and my heart swell. I do believe teaching kids, or just assisting kids in any way, is my calling. Maybe I can find me a teacher assistant job and see where things go.

After really thinking about this, analyzing all the jobs I have listed, the only one that makes me truly happy — is teaching. Grading papers, making up tests and organizing fun activities for the kids, strengthening a child’s mind and encouraging their hearts. GASP, I think this is me.

I am finally back. The new layout took longer than I had originally planned but so glad to see it somewhat complete. I’m digging it. What I’m not digging though is this damn bug flying around in my face, argh. Anyways, please wander around, I got some cool new content including the ‘library’ — hehe I’m such a nerd. I figured since I’m reading all the time, it’d be cool to have.

I have not been up to much. Well, I have been busy but nothing exciting to write about. Working, ie babysitting, as usual. Chris and I are, though, going to be getting our own place here within the next few weeks, so that’s exciting! It’s going to be nice — empty, but nice. We’ve been planning a yard sale in which we *hope* to start next Saturday if the weather cooperates. Other than that, nothing much going on than the usual. I did complete my painting though! Not sure if I’m finished, I still feel like it’s lacking something but than again I’m happy with it. I used a micro pigment ink brush instead of black watercolor for the outline/hair, so that was a little difficult but I’m sure I’ll get the hang of it. I’m digging the painting but more so the concept which I will let you interpret on your own. :)

Well, I’m done for the night. All this coding and what not has got me drained. Oh, I encourage all my commenters to head over to gravatar.com and make them an avatar so my comments will look cool. :) It takes but a minute — do itttt.