Today was the first time I saw my little sister in about five weeks. For the past month she has been in juvenile for running away [and for other reasons as well]. Her court date was scheduled for today so my grandmother and I headed up to the youth court and waited around for a few hours. The judge did not get around to seeing her today but we did talk to the prosecutor who is trying to get my sister into a behavioral clinic — which is what we want as well.

As some of you may know, my sister has been through a lot of trouble within the past couple of years. She struggles with depression & anger problems. She absolutely has no healthy ways of coping with situations so she leans toward the extremes, ie. cutting her self, talking about suicide, and running away from home. She has had a troubling childhood since her dad and our mom passed away when she was only 9.

She has gone through many counselors, therapists, psychologists and doctors to no avail. She has even spent a few weeks in two different behavioral clinics. Something has got to be done, there has got to be some hope for this girl. She is so beautiful, both inside and out, and I absolutely love her with all of my heart. She just took a wrong turn one day and has not been able to find her way back. But I have faith in her.

My beautiful little sister.

She has another court date this Tuesday and that is when we should find out what is going to be done. There’s talk about sending her to another behavioral clinic/hospital about three hours from here. We, of course, don’t want her that far away but I have been reassuring my grandmother that I think this may be the best thing for her right now. She needs time away from her so-called-friends and bad influences. She has little respect for her family so maybe a little time away will help her realize how grateful she is to have us.

As of now, I have no idea how this is going to turn out.. I just hope whatever the judge decides is for the best.

We were not suppose to but we actually got to spend 1-2 minutes with her today. My grandmother has been the only person who has the permission to visit my sister but today they let it slide (since they now know that I have helped raise her) and let me see her.

As soon as I walked into the tiny room, I saw her sitting there in her orange jumpsuit with her head down. And then I noticed the shackles around her hands & feet and I broke out in tears. I have been preparing myself all week for this but I couldn’t hold it in — it broke my heart seeing her like that. I just wanted to snatch her up and bring her home. What really made my day was the smile she had on her face when she saw that I was there. I love that girl so very much. I hugged her but the police woman pulled me away because we’re not allowed to touch each other. :| This just isn’t right for a young girl of her age. I feel so bad for her. I could feel her embarrassment and her sorrow. I cried so much that I could barely get any words out. All I remember saying was that I loved her and the place they want to send her could really be beneficial for her and we will do all we can to travel those three hours to visit her.

We were in the room only for a minute or two before the police officer came in and told us that our time was up and my sister needed to go. I have no idea when I will see her next or where for that matter. This is so extremely tough and I worry about her all the time. I just want her to find help and then come home when she is all better, which I pray is soon. I want to wrap her in my arms and tell her how much I love her and how brilliant I think she is. She just needs to learn how to love herself.. she just doesn’t deserve a life like this.